


something to hold on to

by Minirainbow



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, i promise this one will end happy, jeongchaeng side ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23811415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minirainbow/pseuds/Minirainbow
Summary: Nayeon had spent so long trying to escape her past, trying to better herself and be who she always knew she was supposed to be. But, she can't run forever, her past was always going to catch up.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	something to hold on to

**Author's Note:**

> tI know I've been kinda MIA writing wise for a while now, but I've been going through the worst slump I've ever gone through - but I'm finally back (hopefully) and excited to write again! I've been pondering this idea for months now, and I've finally decided to sit down and write it - I'm trying this thing called shorter and (hopefully) more frequent chapters!! Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy! This was beta'd by my good friend Sofi (@dahyunayeon)
> 
> (also big blocks of italisised text are flashbacks)

_ “Where do you see yourself in 5 years, Nayeon?” _

_ “What, why do you ask?” _

_ “Just answer the question, where do you see yourself in 5 years?” _

_ “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it that much… I’ll be fresh out of college in 5 years, so hopefully I’ll have a good job and be earning lots of money… maybe a boyfriend or even a fiancee, if I’m lucky enough.” _

_ “Please any guy would be  _ lucky  _ to be with you,” There was a quiet pause, a quiet shuffling. Everything about her was quiet lately, and it made Nayeon’s heart uneasy - quiet didn’t suit her. “It’s just about you making sure to pick the best one, the one who deserves you most.” _

_ “Don’t worry, I have excellent taste.” _

_ “Is that why you haven’t dated anyone in highschool?” _

_ “Exactly, no one here meets my high standards.” _

_ “Right… of course not.” She sighed audibly, the kind that made Nayeon’s chest seize. “I’ll be in med school in 5 years time, so I don’t really know what else I’ll have time for besides studying.” _

_ “You don’t have to be a doctor, you do know that right?” _

_ “I know. But it’s too late to do music now, I already chose to study sciences instead of humanities, plus I  _ do  _ want to make my parents proud.” _

_ “Right.” _

_ “I’m really going to miss you when you go off to college Nayeon, I’m barely going to be able to visit you when you’re in Busan.” _

_ “I’m gonna miss you too.” _

_ “I can’t believe we only have a month together before you leave, time seems to have gone by so fast.” _

_ “It really has.” _

_ “We’ll stay in touch though, right?” _

_ “Of course we will, Jihyo. We’re best friends, best friends keep in touch.” _

  
  


* * *

  
  


The guitar strings felt coarse and uncomfortable against Nayeon's fingertips. She'd never learnt how to play guitar, nothing beyond the chorus for 'Wonderwall' anyway, it wasn’t as if she lacked the time - if anything she just lacked the motivation. There was a time in highschool when an old friend had tried to get her to learn an instrument, had made a passing comment about how they could form a band if she learnt how to play guitar or play the drums - but Nayeon had never actually done it.

Funny how things turned out, how much had changed since highschool.

Nayeon had always openly guffawed at the suggestion of her and her friends starting a band, had always called the idea 'childish' and 'cliché'. And yet now here she was, sitting in her living room waiting for her other band members to arrive, or in Jeongyeon and Sana’s case leave their bedrooms, so practice could begin.

Jeongyeon would often poke fun at her for how easily she'd been swayed to form a band this time around, compared to how stubborn she'd been with her friend in highschool. But, Nayeon didn't like to dwell on that too much, choosing to ignore Jeongyeon most of the time. 

(She didn’t like to think about  _ her _ too much.)

It was now 6:13pm, and practice had been supposed to start at 6pm sharp, Jeongyeon had made that  _ abundantly  _ clear in the groupchat, and yet Nayeon was still the only one there. She’d never been one for waiting, had always longed for a fast paced lifestyle without breaks and without the loneliness that followed the silence of being on pause, perhaps that had been what had drawn her to the life of a musician, why she’d even agreed to form the band in the first place. Patience had always been a virtue that had evaded her; Nayeon could never wait for things to work out the way she wanted. 

There were far too many instances, more than Nayeon could even begin to try and count, where she’d let this impulsiveness and impatience take over and then hurt herself in the process.

Sana said she had a ‘Martyr complex’ whereas Jeongyeon called it ‘idiocy’. And, admittedly, Nayeon wasn’t sure which she liked less. But nevertheless it was a vice that had followed Nayeon her whole life, the reason she’d ruined so many of her past relationships.

But Nayeon didn’t like to dwell on that too much, did her best to not think about it at all.

It had been over 4 years since she’d left highschool, since she moved across the country and cut contact with everyone she’d once known in hopes of starting fresh. Nayeon had always hated herself in highschool, would find herself inwardly regretting everything she said and did, how she treated her friends and family made her chest ache - there was nothing from that period of her life that she wanted to remember, nothing she wanted more than to just delete that portion of history from her memories.

Whenever someone were to ask Nayeon if she thought she had grown and changed since highschool, she'd have simply pointed to her nose stud or the large, extravagant tattoo adorning her shoulder as if that were an acceptable answer.

For in many ways Nayeon's life had changed, but she stayed largely the same (despite how much she'd protest this, she knew it was true).

But, for now, Nayeon let herself live in these little white lies. It wasn't as if she'd kept anyone from her past that could spill the truth.

The home she had made for herself in Busan was one untainted by the past, a small, tranquil apartment in a bustling city with her two closest friends, Jeongyeon and Sana, and that was where Nayeon had finally found peace with her decision to cut herself off from Seoul and all it contained within the city limits. It had taken her 4 whole years to stop thinking about her past, stop wondering about the ‘what if’s’ of it all, but it had only taken a few months for Sana to get that acceptance letter.

She had wanted so badly to be angry, Nayeon had wanted to kick and scream and just refuse to let Sana go to Seoul, be selfish and force Sana to complete her masters at Pusan National, but she couldn’t; Nayeon couldn’t be selfish even if she tried.

Nayeon felt like her heart had caved in on itself as she had watched Sana’s eyes light up as she read over the letter, her entire chest tightening so much she couldn’t breathe as Jeongyeon pulled both of them into a celebratory hug. Sana was going to Yonsei to complete her Masters, it was her dream come true; Nayeon had felt like she was in a nightmare.

The worst part was knowing that neither Jeongyeon or Sana could ever find out just why she hated Seoul, all the things she’d done in her past and all the people she’d hurt in the process. It was already bad enough having the guilt eat her alive and having to suffer in silence, she couldn’t bear the thought of those two knowing and seeing her differently - carrying the burden and resenting her for it.

But she had no reason to fear Seoul, at least that’s what she’d tell herself late at night as the guilt ate her alive from the inside out, the city was huge, and she’d spent 4 long years escaping her past and trying to better herself - she couldn’t accept defeat just yet.

It had been 6 months since Nayeon had left Busan for Seoul, 6 months since she’d broken the unspoken promise she had made with herself to never return to the city of memories again, and Nayeon was doing surprisingly okay.

The home they made for themselves in Seoul was slightly smaller than the one in Busan, but Jeongyeon preferred to call it ‘homely’. It had been almost exactly 5 years since she’d graduated highschool, and just under 5 years since she’d first left Seoul for Pusan National University. Her past was still behind her, and Nayeon was more determined than ever to keep it that way.

There was this small part of her soul that wanted so badly to prove to herself she was stronger than who she once was - wanted to call up everyone from her past to prove she  _ could _ , but an even larger part was too terrified to test that in case she was wrong.

A creak coming from Sana’s room jolted Nayeon out of her thoughts and she delicately returned the guitar to it's case, pausing momentarily to admire the rock band stickers and little doodles that decorated both the guitar and its case - it was just so undeniably  _ Chaeyoung _ , and in turn had become almost synonymous with Jeongyeon as well. She chuckled at the “Fuck Yoo Jeongyeon” that was written in bold, black letters on the inside of the case, curtosey of a very drunken Sana a couple months back.

“You know how much Jeongyeon hates people touching her guitar, right?” Sana giggled from the hallway, a teasing grin painting her lips as she quirked an eyebrow at Nayeon. “She banned me from using the Xbox for a whole month after I wrote on the inside of her case.”

“As if I’m scared of Jeongyeon.” Nayeon scoffed, rolling her eyes melodramatically as Sana snorted. “She doesn’t have any power over me, I’m older  _ and  _ stronger than her, I would wrestle the Xbox out of her hands if I had to.”

Sana hummed nonchalantly, taking a seat in the armchair next to Nayeon, grabbing her bass guitar from it’s stand and letting it rest on her knee. “The last thing we need is another complaint from our neighbours as a result of an infamous ‘yeonyeon wrestle match’.” Sana groaned, tone half serious and half joking. “I do want to stay on their good side, Nayeon.”

“Please, we have a rock band and practice  _ in  _ our apartment, they already hate us, Sana.” Nayeon pointed out smugly, pointing to their collection of amps and drum set as if it emphasised her point. “Plus, Jeongyeon steals their newspaper  _ and  _ copy of Vogue nearly every morning.”

“Remind me why I let you two idiots follow me to Seoul again?” Sana sighed melodramatically, resting her palm on her forehead as she released a deep sigh.

“Need me to remind you how you had  _ begged  _ us to come with you?” Nayeon corrected quickly, giggling at the over dramatic glare Sana shot her. “Something about how ‘Seoul scared you, and you wanted your best friends with you to keep you company’?”

“First of all, Seoul is scary, clearly you agree with me based on how resistant you were to move here.” Sana started, pointing her guitar pick at Nayeon accusatorily. A pit opened up in Nayeon’s stomach and she flushed slightly at the reminder. “And second of all, we had a really good thing going with our little band, I wasn’t ready to quit yet!”

“The same little band that had a guitarist, a bass player and a singer, nothing else?”

“Exactly.” Sana smiled triumphantly, pointedly ignoring Nayeon’s unconvinced look. “I  _ knew  _ back then that Sweet Talkers was going to be the next big thing if we kept going, and look at us now!”

“I’d hardly say that having our biweekly gig playing at that dingy bar makes us ‘the next big thing’, but okay.” Nayeon joked, rolling her eyes and releasing a breathy laugh at Sana’s frown and pout. “ _ But _ , I’m sure we’re on the right track to get there.”

“Of course! Our official twitter account has almost 1.2k followers now, and when we finally get our music on MelOn, Soribada, Genie etc, we’ll blow up for  _ sure _ .” Sana beamed excitedly.

(Nayeon didn’t dare bring up how Jeongyeon was having no success getting them on streaming services, not when Sana looked that excited.)

“Can’t believe Mina is late to practice,” Nayeon tutterd with faux disappointment, quick to change the subject. “I mean Jeongyeon I expect- ”

“Jeongyeon is currently 10ft away from where we practice, Nayeon.” Sana interrupted with a scoff. “Plus, she was the one who chose what time practice would be this week.”

“Exactly,” Nayeon shrugged simply, a small smirk dusting her lips, “I fully expected Jeongyeon would be late, she’s never not late, but Mina is  _ always  _ early.”

“Maybe she can’t find her drumsticks?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, she keeps them in the second drawer of her bedside table and has not moved them from that spot once.” Nayeon was quick to rebuttal, eliciting a quiet chuckle from Sana. “Let’s be more realistic now, what if she’s been kidnapped?”

“Dahyun is late too and they usually come together, so it’s far more likely Dahyun just forgot what day it is again and was still asleep when Mina went to pick her up.” Sana hummed calmly as Nayeon laughed loudly. “They’ll be here any minute, don’t worry.”

“Who will be here any minute?” Came the unmistakable tired grumble of Jeongyeon, over 20 minutes late to practice and still in her pyjamas. “Wait, where are Mina and Dahyun, practice was supposed to start, like, 20 minutes ago.”

“First of all, yes it was and yet here you are 20 minutes late and not ready.” Nayeon sighed, her disappointment punctuated by an over dramatic eye roll. “And yeah we’re still waiting for Mina and Dahyun to arrive.”

Jeongyeon hummed a quiet sound of understanding, pointedly ignoring the look of mutual disapproval Nayeon and Sana were fixing her with, choosing instead to sit down on the couch next to Nayeon, yawning loud and long.

“Are we going to wait for them or should we just start practice without them?” Sana broke the silence, evidently bored of waiting.

“I don’t mind, it’s not like we have a gig this weekend anyway.” Jeongyeon stated simply. “If you want to get started though, I’ve got a couple new songs me and Chaengie have been working on the last few days that are looking pretty promising if you wanted to have a look.”

“How many of them are gross love songs?” Nayeon quipped, relishing in the long groan Jeongyeon let out and the high pitched squeal Sana released.

“Fuck off Nayeon.”

“What? Is it wrong of me to assume you and your  _ girlfriend _ would write gross love songs together?” Nayeon continued teasingly.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s just… Chaeyoung.” Jeongyeon decided firmly, averting her gaze from Sana and Nayeon and picking up her guitar from its case. “We’re not girlfriends.” She affirmed decidedly, her gaze stern but the slight smile on her lips gave her away.

“That’s never  _ once  _ stopped you two from being gross, Jeong.” Nayeon retorted, sticking her tongue out as Jeongyeon beamed smugly.

“Jealousy really isn’t a good look on you, Nayeon. You’ll find someone eventually, don’t worry, I’m sure at least 90% of the weird middle aged men at our gig next saturday would  _ kill  _ to sleep with you.” Jeongyeon chirped happily, her smile widening as Nayeon made fake gagging noises. “C’mon now, we both know you’ve done a whole lot worse before, remember that one time you- ”

“Mina and Dahyun can’t make practice today.” Sana suddenly interrupted, flushing deep red and shooting Jeongyeon an apologetic look before continuing. “They just texted the groupchat, Dahyun said she’s not feeling well and Mina said she’s got an essay due tonight, they’re not coming tonight.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nayeon…”

“I’m just saying! Mina  _ never  _ leaves schoolwork until the last minute, she does her essays the day they’re set.” Nayeon pointed out, punctuating her statement with a shrug as if to seem nonchalant. “Dahyun getting sick checks out though, the amount of times I’ve run into her at 7/11 and she’s been in pyjamas whilst it’s sub zero outside, it’s honestly about time.” She joked lightly.

“We didn’t have a study meeting yesterday so I can’t vouch for her, she might’ve just dropped the ball on it, you don’t know.” Sana offered weakly, clearly not convinced herself.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, we can just practice without them, we can do vocal practices today instead of full ensemble, it’s absolutely  _ fine _ .” Jeongyeon interjected, ever the ‘voice of reason’ as she dubbed herself. “We’ve got most of our songs down already, so we can just use this practice to work on our singing and look over my brand new masterpieces.”

“Exactly, plus we still have practice on friday, we have plenty of time.” Sana added, warm smile returning to her features and alleviating Nayeon’s dwindling anxiety.

“Yeah, you’re right, we have plenty of time.” Nayeon released a deep sigh, setting her shoulders and turning to face Jeongyeon with a smile, finding the girl studying her guitar closely. “Can we see these new songs then?”

“Nayeon, you touched my guitar again, didn’t you? The tuning keys have been messed with.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ The cold blades of grass brushed against the soles of her bare feet as she walked, there was no direction, no purpose to her steps yet she still took them as if it were routine - like she knew exactly where she was going. _

_ Nayeon had never really been a planner, had always just ambled through life, taking each day as it came. She had once loved the freeing feeling of not being on a fixed road, knowing she was going somewhere but not really knowing where that was or when she’d get there, but now she hated it - hated the emptiness that had come with it. Nothing in her life felt certain or important - as if she was just alive for the purpose of living. It was both liberating and soul crushing at the same time _

_ Having to watch as her parents fuss over her younger sister, showering her with constant love and attention whilst she was stuck on the sidelines. It was as if she were nothing but a soul in purgatory, destined to remain trapped in her parents house, forced to watch her sister get all the love she’d wished for herself. _

_ If she could, if the world would let her be happy just  _ once _ , she’d leave this district, leave the whole fucking  _ city _ and never come back. She dreamed of travelling the world and finally finding herself - getting to be the person she’d always wanted to be. _

_ Seoul was cold and lonely, no matter how many thousands of people lived in the city, no matter how many friends she’d surround herself with, Nayeon always felt so alone.  _

_ She sought the validation her parents never gave her from all her classmates, would help anyone and everyone no matter how cruel they’d be to her in response because all she wanted was to feel like someone liked her - like someone wanted her in their life. _

_ Nayeon was 15 years old, stuck in a city she hated and stuck in a life she didn’t recognise or want for herself.  _

_ But Nayeon was 15 years old, all she could do was sit on the grass, legs straight and skirt flattened against her thighs, and watch the world go by, stare out at the city and admire the sights. _

* * *

  
  


The Seoul skyline was something Nayeon had never thought she’d miss when she left, moving from one big city to another big city she’d just expected she’d forget about it; but the view out of their living room window was spectacular, made her wonder how they’d managed to cop this apartment for so cheap.

Though she had only been gone a little over 4 years, it felt like the city had changed so much in her absence, the skyscrapers had grown a little taller with even more appearing across her view line she didn’t recognise from her highschool years. Had the city even changed or was she just viewing it differently now?

With both Sana gone until the evening and Jeongyeon fast asleep, it was just Nayeon left alone with only her thoughts to keep her company. She’d spent so much of her life alone, both by choice and by force, it was just something she was used to; and yet the silence of it all still made her uneasy. As much as she enjoyed complaining about her friends and how loud they tended to be, she’d rather that than nothingness.

Nayeon hummed quietly herself, wanting to fill the void of silence but not knowing what to fill it with. There was no real melody to her humming, no structure as she simply went with the flow of her mind. Her mind wandered back to all the times she’d tried to sit down and write her own songs, had forced Jeongyeon to give her crash course in songwriting and composition but had failed miserably. No matter how hard she tried to focus, Nayeon had always struggled with motivation - it had always been a fleeting feeling she could never cling onto for more than an hour at a time.

There were so many words in her mind that she couldn’t find a way to cohesively string together, so many melodies in her heart she wished she could transfer to paper - but it just felt like there was nothing pushing her to try.

Her phone buzzed quietly on the coffee table, but Nayeon paid it no mind, chances were it was just Sana asking about what time they wanted to meet for practice tomorrow - it wasn’t as if Nayeon often checked the band group chat anyway, Jeongyeon would tell her any important information face to face so she really had no use for the group chat.

Nayeon couldn’t help the smile that graced her lips as she thought about how much their band had grown in the past 6 months, how grateful she was that Sana had forced Jeongyeon and herself to add Mina and Dahyun to the band back in September. The pair had fit into their trio perfectly, and it finally felt like they actually had a musical direction Nayeon could get excited about.

Nayeon would forever be grateful for the positive memories of Seoul, the city Nayeon had spent so much of her life hating, that Mina and Dahyun had given her. From how shy and cute Mina had first been when they’d met her and the bright vibrant energy Dahyun had radiated from the first second until even now, to the amazing opportunities they’d given Nayeon and allowed her to experience.

When Sweet Talkers had first been born, a half serious idea Jeongyeon had proposed when they were in their final year of university, it had only been a temporary thing - something all of them would claim had no real traction or reasoning behind it other than just a creative outlet. But moving to Seoul, meeting Dahyun and Mina and having them join the band, made Nayeon truly love the music - gave her something to believe in and something to strive towards.

(She felt closer to her dream self than ever.)

Seoul was still a scary place, haunted by the ghosts of her past and who she once was, but it felt a little bit less scary when she felt like she had a purpose there.

It almost felt like it was too good to be true, something going right in her life was too unrealistic and could only ever be short lived. As Nayeon stared out at the neverending sky, lined with building after building, she wondered if her life could ever be what she wanted it to be long enough to let her get comfortable and calm.

Jeongyeon’s loud yell broke her away from her thoughts, cut through the spell the sky had put on her and dragged Nayeon back down to reality. Her heart sank, a deep sigh passing her lips as she listened to Jeongyeon curse repeatedly, angrily.

Nayeon let her phone fall from her hands, hitting the floor with a dull thud, as she covered her face with her hands; because of course it had all been too good to be true.

  
  
  


**sweet talkers the coolest band ever**

me, sana, jeongyeon, mina, dahyun

Dahyun [16:39pm]:

Hey guys, i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately

and i just don't know that i can continue on with

the band anymore

I’m really really sorry, but uni has been killing me

atm, and i really need to focus on school

I'm so so sorry guys, but i'm going to have to quit

the band.

I’ll see you all soon, you’ll definitely see me at all

your gigs, i'll be there to cheer you guys on!

Thank you for everything, i love you all

[Dahyun left the group]

Sana [16:41pm]:

well... fuck

  
  


* * *

  
  


“She can’t just  _ quit  _ the band with absolutely no prior warning, like who the fuck does that?” Nayeon ranted angrily, pacing the length of their living room, practically stomping, as Jeongyeon, Sana and Mina watched in collective silence. “We have a fucking  _ gig  _ next saturday, like we’ve already agreed to play we can’t just cancel with less than two weeks notice, they’ll never book us again if we do and we  _ need  _ that gig because so few bars will book us and- ”

“Nayeon it’ll be fine, we can play without a keyboardist for one evening and then we’ll find a replacement.” Sana interrupted, trying her best to reassure her calmly, Mina nodding in agreement.

“No offence Sana, but I sincerely doubt there’s anyone around here desperately looking for a shitty rock band to join. Least of all someone who can play keyboard.” Nayeon scoffed indignantly, folding her arms over her chest and turning to fix Sana with a firm glare. “I can’t believe she just  _ quit  _ on us like that. Since when does she care about uni work anyway?”

“Nayeon relax, you’re overthinking this, it’s really not a big deal.” Sana hushed gently, a contrast to Jeongyeon’s pointed eye roll and Mina’s worried expression. “We’re in a university district, there’s bound to be at  _ least  _ one keyboard player or at least a piano player who would be interested.”

“Honestly? I think Dahyun will be back in a week at the maximum.” Jeongyeon stated simply, leaning back against the sofa cushions and sinking further into them. “Dahyun  _ loves  _ playing with us, she’s probably just overly stressed about an essay or something, or her mom is on her case about focussing on her degree, if we just give her a little space she’ll relax and she’ll be back in the band in no time.”

Everything paused momentarily after Jeongyeon spoke, Nayeon herself had to admit she’d never really considered the possibility of Dahyun coming back from the band - she’d been so quick to just assume that this was it; from the looks of it, Sana hadn’t thought of that as an option either. Jeongyeon crossed her arms over her chest triumphantly, seemingly satisfied that she had just ended the debate, so quickly and easily.

“No, no I don’t think she’s coming back.” Mina declared suddenly, shaking her head as she stared at her lap; though Nayeon couldn’t see her face, she could tell Mina was frowning. “I think this is it for Dahyun in the band and we need to start looking for a new keyboard player, not waste any time waiting for her because she  _ isn’t  _ coming back.”

Jeongyeon whipped her head around to stare at Mina, clearly taken aback and unconvinced by Mina’s words. “What makes you say that? How can you be so certain that she definitely isn’t going to rejoin the band?” She challenged.

“How can you be so certain that she definitely  _ is  _ going to rejoin the band?” Mina countered quickly, quirking an eyebrow in subtle cockiness. “I’ve known Dahyun longer than  _ any  _ of you, we’ve been close friends since orientation first year. She doesn’t just give up the second things get difficult, this would’ve been a really difficult decision for her - not one she’d go back on easily.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“Jeongyeon.” Sana warned firmly

“I’m sorry but I just don’t believe that she’d quit like that, definitely not like her to leave the band over  _ text _ .” Jeongyeon defended, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “She loves music, she loves playing with us, I just don’t believe she’d leave the band because of schoolwork - that’s just not her, and even you have to admit that, Mina.”

The silence that fell over them was uncomfortable, and Nayeon couldn’t help but wince at the thickness of the tension that surrounded them all in that second. Jeongyeon had struck a nerve, she’d said something wrong. Mina had her head hung in shame as she swallowed thickly, not even daring to lift her head, let alone meet anyone’s gaze, as she took a deep breath.

Nayeon had known Mina for over 6 months, but she’d never seen her look like that before - never seen her look so  _ ashamed _ \- and it broke her heart having to watch Mina struggle: struggle to compose herself and struggle to find words to say.

“Well, it doesn’t matter why Dahyun decided to leave the band, it’s none of our business,” Mina paused to take a deep breath, “not even mine.”

Something was wrong, something had gone really wrong, and Nayeon desperately wanted to ask if Mina was okay - pull her aside to give her a hug, or just do  _ something _ \- but then Sana was shaking her head at her firmly.

“Mina is right, Dahyun clearly isn’t coming back to the band so we should start looking for a new keyboard player. We could hold auditions or something, or- oh!” Sana jumped slightly in her seat, causing both Mina and Jeongyeon to jolt in surprise. “Mina do you think that- ”

“No, I know exactly what you’re going to suggest and she’s going to say no.” Mina chuckled lightheartedly, rolling her eyes at Sana’s pout. “You asked her at the start of the year when you asked me and she said no then, she’s not going to suddenly change her mind, Sana.”

“But she’s really good at playing piano, she loves music  _ and  _ we already know her so she’d be the perfect fit for the band.” Sana pressed, frowning at Mina as the girl shook her head firmly. 

Nayeon quirked a curious eyebrow, confusedly watching the staring contest Mina and Sana were currently engaged, before turning to lock eyes with an equally puzzled Jeongyeon. 

“Wait, who are you talking about.” Nayeon queried slowly, Sana beamed brightly at her before Mina quickly clamped a hand over her mouth.

“No one, we have a mutual friend who plays piano, but she’s a medical student so she has next to no free time already and has already said no to joining the band.” Mina clarified quickly before Sana could even get a word in edgeways. “Don’t forget she doesn’t even  _ like  _ rock music Sana, she has a weird obsession with jazz, she would never join a rock band.”

  
“I’m very persuasive Mina, I can  _ totally  _ get her to join the band.” Sana huffed grumpily.

“If she’s a med student she’ll just pull a Dahyun and quit because she’s too busy with school anyway.” Nayeon grumbled, blatant bitterness lacing her words, but it was all replaced with nothing but guilt when she saw how Mina flinched at her words. “Right, shit, that was supposed to be a joke but it wasn’t funny, I’m sorry.”

“Nayeon, that's not fair and you know it.” Sana sighed tiredly, running a hand through her hair. “I’m sure Dahyun didn’t want to quit the band, so I really doubt she left for no good reason. Let’s just drop it and come up with a plan to recruit a new keyboardist.”

“Has anyone spoken to Dahyun since she quit?” Jeongyeon piped up suddenly.

“No, I tried to text her to see if she was doing okay, but she didn’t reply so I didn’t try to text her again.” Mina mumbled, there was a hint of sadness and regret to her tone, and Nayeon didn’t miss the way Sana squeezed Mina’s arm in comfort. “I think it’s best we just give her some space for a little while, I’ll try texting Tzuyu for updates occasionally but I don't think we should bother her too much.”

“I don’t know.” Jeongyeon murmured tiredly, resting her palm against her forehead. “I just don’t think we should be getting a replacement so soon after she ‘leaves’, she could still come back to the band and I’d hate it if we’d already replaced her if she did. Imagine how awful it would be to play with a band for  _ 6 months  _ and then get replaced in 5 minutes.”

“It’s just,” Nayeon paused and sighed deeply, swallowing the heartbreak and trying to not let her hurt seep through, “we’ve come all this way and put  _ so much work _ into this band I’d hate to throw it all away now, if that means finding a new keyboardist as soon as possible then so be it, I’ll take the heat if she gets upset.”

Jeongyeon met her eyes, her gaze laced with what felt like disappointment and frustration, and Nayeon tried desperately to swallow the guilt rising up her throat like bile; she’d sacrificed a lot coming back to Seoul, put her own sanity at risk for this band - she wasn’t ready to throw it away yet.

“Right!” Sana clasped her hands together excitedly, clearly eager to break the tension. “I’ll start advertising first thing tomorrow, we’ll have a new bandmate in no time, trust me.”

(Nayeon had never been one to trust easily, but she trusted Sana.)

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ Lunch break had always been Nayeon’s favourite time of day, there wasn’t much she liked about her highschool - but the school meals was definitely one of the best things about it. Though she was already in her junior year, had spent over 2 years at the school already, the lunch menu had never once changed, and Nayeon was forever grateful for that. _

_ Nayeon had always struggled with change, especially when she was already satisfied with it. _

_ She always ate her lunch quickly, not wanting it to go cold, and was just about to get up and go to the library when someone sat down next to her - practically slamming their tray on the table - and huffed sadly. _

_ “We’re friends, right Nayeon?” _

_ “Of course we are, why do you ask? Is everything okay.” _

_ “Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry, just like to check every now and then.” _

_ “Jihyo, I’m not like your old friends, okay? I’m not going to do what they did to you, I could never do that.” _

_ “I know.” Her words were quiet, barely above a whisper, and it made Nayeon’s heartache seeing her friend like that. Jihyo didn’t suit quiet. “But I never thought they’d do that to me either, and now here I am.” _

_ “We’re friends, you can trust me, Jihyo.” _

_ “I know, I’m sorry, I do trust you Nayeon I promise.” _

_ “Good, I’m glad.” _

_ “You… you do know you can trust me too? You can tell me anything Nayeon, and it will stay between us.” _

_ “I know, I don’t keep any secrets from you, Hyo, don’t worry.” Nayeon smiled earnestly, bumping shoulders with Jihyo gently - but in her heart she knew she was lying to her,  _ again _. _

_ “Right.” Jihyo nodded her head firmly, biting her lower lip gently as if she were deep in thought. “It’s nice to know you trust me, Nayeon.” _

_ She turned to smile at her, a smile so warm and genuine, and Nayeon wasn’t sure a smile had ever made her feel so guilty before. _

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was late, nearing 3am, but Nayeon couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t slept much the past few days, with the thoughts running through her mind and the bright lights that made up Seoul - sleep had been evading her consistently.

Three days had passed since Dahyun left the band and no one had heard from her since, not even Mina, but Jeongyeon remained as adamant as ever that she’d still make her return to Sweet Talkers eventually. It had been three days of Sana and Jeongyeon constantly arguing over whether or not they should start the search for a new keyboardist - both in the band group chat and in the apartment. Nayeon couldn’t escape it no matter how hard she tried.

It had only been three days since Dahyun quit the band, but it already felt like the whole foundation for everything that made up Sweet Talkers was ripping at the seams; it had only been 3 days but Nayeon was already worrying about the future for the four of them. She just wanted everything to be back to normal, back to business as usual so she could stop spending hours upon hours worrying about whether or not the band would survive much longer.

She felt powerless, unwilling to pick a side with either Jeongyeon or Sana out of fear it would cause any more hostility. All she wanted was for the band to be back on their feet, she longed for that feeling of standing on solid ground; for now she felt as though she was doomed to fall through the cracks any second.

That guilt that remained ever present in the pit of her stomach was rising even more nowadays, though there was no denying she’d made a  _ lot  _ of sacrifices moving back to Seoul; she’d made a lot of sacrifices for the band and for Sana and Jeongyeon and her biggest worry had always been that she’d come to regret them. All she wanted was to replace all the bad memories she had of Seoul with good ones, after spending years trying to forget everything that happened there, all she wanted was happy thoughts to flood her mind whenever she thought of the city.

Nayeon had so many regrets in life, all she wanted was to make one decision she didn’t _have_ _to_ berate herself for making.

There was a noise outside her bedroom door, and Nayeon shot up in bed as she tried to identify what the sound was - it sounded like a voice, more specifically Jeongyeon’s voice - and the sound made Nayeon frown to herself. Whilst Jeongyeon had always been prone to staying up far too late writing music or playing video games, she usually just stayed holed up in her bedroom so as to not disturb anyone else.

Nayeon groaned sleepily as she dragged herself out of bed, if she wasn’t going to sleep she may as well have company and air her worries with Jeongyeon in search of some advice. She made it halfway towards her bedroom door when she halted, Jeongyeon was talking on the phone - which meant Jeongyeon was absolutely talking to Chaeyoung, and Nayeon had learnt over the past few months to  _ never  _ disturb Jeongyeon when she was talking to Chaeyoung; no matter how dire the circumstance.

She hadn’t meant to listen, she never tried to eavesdrop on their conversations because she knew they were private and not meant for her ears, but Jeongyeon never had learned how to speak quietly.

“Yeah I understand that, Chaeng, but… I  _ know  _ what it feels like to be replaced and I don’t want to put Dahyun through that.” Jeongyeon sighed frustratedly, Nayeon frowned to herself, quietly sitting on the edge of her bed as Jeongyeon continued to speak. “She only left the band, what, 4 days ago? We don’t know what’s going on in her life right now, this could all be temporary and what if she decides she wants to come back and we’ve already filled her role?”

There was a pause, clearly Chaeyoung was replying, and Nayeon pulled her knees up to her chest as she dwelled over Jeongyeon’s words. Truly, she hadn’t really thought too much about whether or not Dahyun would want to return to the band, instead choosing to take Mina’s words as gospel.

“Yeah I know that, but Mina doesn’t know Dahyun completely - no one know’s  _ anyone  _ through and through, sometimes people can pull a wild card and do something completely unexpected.” Jeongyeon explained insistently, but her words were followed by an immediate hushed laugh - the kind that made Nayeon feel warm. “Shut up, you have never  _ once  _ predicted any of my weird outbursts don’t claim that.”

It had been over 6 months since any of them had seen Chaeyoung in person, and though both she and Sana had become really close friends with her, Chaeyoung’s absence had been particularly hard on Jeongyeon - and whilst she’d always claim she was doing fine, that sad glint in her eyes would always make an appearance whenever Chaeyoung’s name was brought up in conversation. The distance was really difficult for them, they weren’t even official but the heartache remained regardless.

(Sometimes it made Nayeon wonder if that’s how she would’ve been living if she hadn’t cut  _ her _ off.)

“Who are you telling to shut up? Both of  _ my  _ roommates are fast asleep right now, I’m not bothering anyone, but I would be willing to bet money that both Yerim and Heejin are awake right now being bothered by your loudness.” Jeongyeon giggled happily, quickly followed by a loud gasp of shock. “I’m going to tell them you said that.”

Nayeon had never really heard Jeongyeon talk on the phone to Chaeyoung, despite them living together for over 6 months now, because Jeongyeon insisted on only calling her in the middle of the night - not wanting to disturb anyone else. They talked as if there wasn’t any distance between them, just like how they’d done when they still lived in Busan. Over 200 miles apart, but they spoke with such intimacy it felt like they were together again.

“They really miss you too.” Jeongyeon mumbled sadly, and Nayeon couldn’t help but wince at the shaky breath she heard her draw in. “I  _ really  _ miss you, when do you think you’re going to be able to come visit?”

There was a pause, though it must’ve only been 20 seconds of silence it felt like a lifetime.

“No no, don’t apologise I totally understand, I know what your parents are like Chaengie, you don’t need to apologise.” Jeongyeon quickly clarified. “I’ll drag the girls back to Busan soon, I promise, I know they’re desperate to see you too.”

Though Nayeon had always known that she hadn’t been the only one to make sacrifices moving to Seoul, she’d never really realised the gravity of the sacrifice Jeongyeon had made.

“You’re right, you’re always right, I’ll talk to Sana tomorrow about finding a new keyboardist.” Jeongyeon hummed calmly. “Okay, goodnight… I miss you too.”

Nayeon let her head hit her duvet, knees still clutched to her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

  
  


The whole apartment was alive with noise when Nayeon woke up, it was barely 9am yet the sound of Sana’s excited singsong voice was already penetrating her eardrums. Nayeon had to wonder how Jeongyeon did this almost every morning without losing her mind - though Nayeon had never really been a morning person, regardless of how much she slept.

This was the happiest she’d heard Sana in days, and Nayeon’s first thought was whether Jeongyeon had spoken to her yet. That pool of guilt still remained in Nayeon’s chest, despite Jeongyeon having absolutely no idea she’d even heard her on the phone last night, she still felt bad for even listening in.

Another loud yelp sounded from the kitchen, followed by Jeongyeon’s loud laugh, and only then did Nayeon decide to actually get out of bed before the two had a band meeting without her.

“I  _ knew  _ you’d agree with me eventually Jeongyeon, it was only a matter of time before you realised I was right - as always.” Sana chirped triumphantly, Jeongyeon scoffing loudly in response.

“Sorry for having a heart and worrying about our poor, sweet Dahyun.” Jeongyeon teased, and though Nayeon couldn’t see her she could immediately tell Jeongyeon was sticking her tongue out at Sana if the other girls indignant gasp was anything to go by.

“Don’t try to guilt trip me now, you’ve already admitted I was right you won’t sway me now.” Sana huffed with faux anger lacing her voice.

“I’m not doing anything, if what I’m saying is making you feel guilty then that sounds like a you problem.” Jeongyeon shrugged nonchalantly, squealing when Sana lunged for her.

“Can you two please move your fight to the living room so I can get some cereal.” Nayeon grumbled sleepily, smirking to herself when the pair turned to her like deer caught in headlights. “Good Morning to you both too.”

“Did we wake you?” Sana winced sympathetically, as if she weren’t clutching the front of Jeongyeon’s sleep shirt, with her clenched fist hovering dangerously close to Jeongyeon’s face.

“I mean, yeah, you two weren’t exactly being quiet.” Nayeon chuckled, her voice still rough from sleep. “But it’s okay, I was planning on getting up around this time anyway!” Nayeon elucidated quickly when she saw their apologetic expressions. “What were you guys talking about?”

“Oh! Jeongyeon has just  _ finally  _ seen the light and has agreed to let me hunt for a new keyboard player for the band.” Sana beamed victoriously, releasing Jeongyeon’s shirt from her grasp to place her hands on her own hips.

“That’s good, what changed your mind Jeong?” Nayeon inquired innocently.

“I talked to Chaeyoung last night about it because I was conflicted and she convinced me.” Jeongyeon explained simply, rolling her eyes and sighing when Sana started to bump shoulders with her.

“Convince you, eh? How’d she do that.” Sana drawled with a wink.

“You’re actually a child, the fact you’re a masters student will never cease to amaze me.” Jeongyeon mumbled exasperatedly, Nayeon rolled her eyes at them tiredly, pointedly turning away from them to start making herself breakfast.

“Well, you better believe it bitch because I’m going for my PhD next and then you’ll have to call me  _ Dr. Minatozaki _ .” Sana jeered mockingly.

“Wait, so what’s the plan now?” Nayeon interjected quickly before Jeongyeon could reply, she could sense that things were about to escalate, and she was far too tired to deal with one of their arguments. “How are we planning on getting a new keyboard player?”

“I’m so glad you asked Nayeon,” Sana started smugly, clasping her hands in front of her chest, “because I already talked to my friend and she’s interested in joining the band.”

“Wait, what the fuck?” Jeongyeon exclaimed incredulously. “How did you find someone  _ that  _ fast?”

“I just brought it up in casual conversation that we needed a new keyboard player and she said she was interested.” Sana answered plainly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Mina and I talk about the band all the time, she already knew about it.”

“Wait, is this the medical student who you thought wouldn’t be interested?” Nayeon asked, voice strained slightly as she reached up to grab a bowl.

“The medical student  _ Mina  _ thought wouldn’t be interested, I knew she would be.” Sana corrected calmly. “But yeah, I invited her to the practice on tuesday if that’s okay with you two.”

“Yeah that’s fine by me, hope she’s not too busy to commit to the band.” Jeongyeon hummed, clicking her tongue casually.

“Please, she  _ loves  _ music, she will definitely find the time for us.” Sana reassured them, Nayeon could practically hear the eyeroll in her voice.

“So tell us about her, what’s her name?” Nayeon queried curiously, excitement bubbling in her chest at the prospect of them finding a suitable replacement so quickly, unable to stop the grin from spreading across her lips.

“You guys will  _ love  _ her, she’s so sweet!” Sana gushed happily, clapping her hands together. “Her name is Jihyo, she’s- ”

Nayeon froze immediately, the smile wiped from her face almost immediately as the bowl in her grasp almost slipped through her fingertips. There was no way, surely it couldn’t be her, Seoul was a big city. The chances of it being the same Jihyo  _ had _ to be slim to none. Her whole body felt ice cold as anxiety washed over her, Nayeon felt like she was going to be sick.

“Wait, what did you say her name was again?” Nayeon croaked out, trying desperately to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Oh, Jihyo? Park Jihyo?” Sana reiterated, frowning slightly as she studied Nayeon’s features. “Why? Wait, do you know her?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!   
> Please leave a comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed, it's the little things that definitely help motivate me  
> If you're on twitter, tweet your reactions/thoughts using #TWICESweetTalkers and I will read them all  
> Or simply directly dm or @ me on twitter, @babysahyo!  
> Thank you so much for you patience with me, I'll hopefully see you all soon :)


End file.
